my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
