One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
