have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
