shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
