dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
