You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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