we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
