If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
