i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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