So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
