I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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