It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
