Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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