I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
