i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do herpes really smell.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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