My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
