Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
