Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
