Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
