I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
porn star boner night. come get it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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