I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
