Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
