Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just had sex bonerless
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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