i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
