just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
