I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
