Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
