I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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