I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My feet surprised me
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