She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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