the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
