I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
