At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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