I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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