no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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