i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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