Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
