You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
