Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
