i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
