There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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