Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So many bounce houses so little time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
