Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
