okay pat passed out under dana's car
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there's paper in my vomit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
