The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
