so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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