So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
