Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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