He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
honey bunches of taint.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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