I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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